Friday, December 31, 2010

Out With The Old, In With The New

December 31st, a day of reflection and new hope. I'm spending the last day of 2010 with my family in Cortland and I couldn't be happier. 2010 has been a year of many things, great sorrows and great joy. I'm excited to see what 2011 has in store and my hope for us all is that it will bring wonderful things into all our lives. Here's to happiness, health, a little bit of wealth and unmeasurable joy to you and me!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Tesla+Boy=Tesla Boy!

So you know how every once in a while you come across something that just meshes with you, like gets in you and gets itself tangled up and stuck in your DNA? Well that's Tesla Boy's Neon Love for me. The beats, the melody, the rhythm, it just feels like me. If my body, mind, or soul had a sound this would be it.

Here's Tesla Boy's Spirit of the Night just for kicks. Yes, the song is dubbed over Footloose.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

I Want My House To Be A Home

Please James T. Hubbell, design my dream home. His work simply is a dream to me; it is beautiful, whimsical, child-like, natural, organic, peaceful and warm. This is everything I could ask for in my very own private space.

James Hubbell is an artist who is connected to nature and his inner dreams which he expresses through architecture and art. He sculpts one-of-a-kind living environments from natural materials that provide shelter and inspiration for those who wish to live in harmony with nature. For more than 50 years he has given the world an inspiring vision of nature as expressed in mosaic, stained glass, wood carving, metal shapes, sculpted concrete, patterned brickwork and stone. His art and architecture has been embodied in homes, schools, gardens, pavillions, nature centers, monasteries, museums, and peace parks around the world.

Don't You Know That You're Toxic?

This is a musical gem my friends. The soundtrack is perfection and the video is true poetry in motion. Olafur Arnalds will be playing at the High Line Ballroom in Chelsea and I would really love to go, I'll need to research this a little further. What I love about Arnalds is that he got his start as the drummer for hardcore/metal band Fighting Shit and then somehow musically moved in this direction.

In other news: I've started a 7 day detox program today. I drank this putrid fiber mix, when I mixed the powder with water it looked like mashed up seaweed, no joke. I'll be taking some herbal supplements later once I finally decide to eat something. To correlate the video above to this tid bit of information, I imagine my bowels will look pretty similar (Fighting Shit, get it?) hence my bowels are true poetry in motion. Yeah, I took it there. Enjoy!

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Sleep Deprived

So last night was interesting. It kicked off with the company Christmas Party, which was a great time. The decor was fantastic, thanks to moi, if I may say so myself! Lots of food, lots of drinks, friends and even a comedy show. As the night pressed on word started to circulate about an after party, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go, but I figured "What the hell?" I didn't have anything better to do. I rallied my reserves and put on my disco ball scarf and headed out to the streets with the gang: Gabe, Jennifer, Andres B., Andres C., Carolina and a very drunk Brenda (yes, this is foreshadowing the night's events to come).

We took two cabs to Amnesia down on W. 29th Street. Gabe had connections and was able to get us in, always a plus. The club was great, the music was fun, the lighting was groovy and the crowd was cool. Lots of dancing ensued and drinking of course, not me though I only had one, I can't stand being hung over anymore. Plus at $20 a drink, it was so easy to say no. But it really felt nice to just dance. The beats were so heavy, the air was thick and the bass was so hard I couldn't help but get primal on the dance floor. However, things got a little too primal when Gabe danced with me and kept trying to take my clothes off. I never felt uncomfortable because he is the epitome of a straight playboy and I know he isn't "interested" but please, have some respect for my outfit!

At about 4AM we moved the party outside and decided to call for our company approved VIP car service back home (I could get used to a personal chauffeur, beats public transportation any day). Gabe had a 5AM flight to catch to Miami, Brenda was obliterated and the rest of us had danced our faces off. I won't get into details but Brenda was the queen of crazy: screaming in the streets, crying and didn't even know her address (But God bless her, she made my night!). This is why it pays to go out with an assistant, I anticipated this and had already arranged the car service for her. I put her in the car and looked at the driver and said "No matter what she says, take her to the address I have given you and no where else." Then my car came and I was home by 5AM. I think I'll go nap now...

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Bright Side

So I've been having a rough time financially which has kind of put me down in the dumps for the holidays. As of today, I haven't been paid in exactly a month, so my bills are piling up and then add the stress of the holidays on top of that, no fun! It's a humiliating and frustrating experience having to ask to be paid. I actually felt guilty asking for my money, if you can understand that?! I can't, but that's how I felt. Then I snapped to and thought to myself "Wait. I have been working a lot of hours and now it's your turn to fulfill your part of the bargain. PAY ME! It is that simple."

But on the bright side I came home to Christmas cards from my sister, who sent me money to pay for my bus ticket home as a Christmas gift, and a card from Garret and Chris. I have the best friends and family in the world.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Dreaming in an Apple Bed

As I ready for my adventures in Slumberland I find myself listening to Apple Bed by Sparklehorse. I can't help but wonder why I am alone. I believe in love and my heart is open, I just wonder if it's all a matter of timing. But it's too late and I'm too tired for these late night thoughts. I just wonder when I'll be in step with the rhythm of my life and get the timing just right.

Apple Bed - Sparklehorse

of horses wet
with melted ice
they would not heed
my advice
and burdened limbs
of its weight
to break and rot
a whispered fate

doctor, please

around me
in a bloody sea
to breach the hive
and smoke the bees
you can be my friend
you can be my dog
you can be my life
you can be my fog

doctor, please

the witches will return to their sticky tree knots
I will feel the sun
I will feel the sun
I will feel the sun coming down

I wish I had
a horse's head
a tiger's heart
an apple bed

Here's to You LES.

I met up with Danny last night for some city funzies. I suggested some low-key Christmas fun and Danny wanted to drink. So we decided to meet somewhere in the middle and ended up in the Lower East Side and we both got exactly what we wanted. SantaCon was happening last night in SoHo and the LES, literally everyone was dressed as Santa, even the homeless people. Naturally, I was in love.

After taking in the sights and trying to get a table at this dive Mexican restaurant (that smelled delicious by the way!) we headed to Urge, on 2nd Ave., this dark and seedy place right next to the ultra-pervy The Cock. Mind you, I did not want to go into The Cock, because I like seedy in moderation, but not unabashed trashiness. It was a great time and just what Danny and I both wanted. The bartender was fantastic, the drinks were strong, the people were friendly and a John Water's film was playing on the two large screen monitors.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Yes, Robert Francis, I Will Love You Forever.

I have been in love with Robert Francis' music for years now and never thought to youtube his videos until tonight. Boy oh boy was I pleasantly surprised! Not only is he an amazing artist, he is beautiful. Universe, if you are reading my blog can Robert Francis please be my boyfriend?

In other news, I'm still hoping to get good news from The Met! I'm sick of playing Cinderella. Universe, if you are reading my blog can I get a job that I love (and make money)?

Thank you Universe for all the good things you're about to bring into my life, including Robert Francis and a job at The Met!

Friday, December 3, 2010


If you thought your family was weird, you need to check this site out. Awkward Family Photos is my new favorite blog, please join me in relishing in a moment of awkward silence dedicated to these off the wall families.

It's an Honor Just to be Nominated

So today was a big day in my life. I interviewed at The Metropolitan Museum of Art today!!! The interview with HR went so well that I was introduced to Melinda Watt, Associate Curator for European textiles, Supervising Curator of the Antonio Ratti Textile Center, who conducted a 2nd interview with me that went equally as well. I feel really great about it and keep thinking "Wow. I can't believe I just interviewed at The Met." Now I just have to wait and that is the hardest part.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

I'm Head Over Heels for Data Romance

This is not even music to me, it's so powerful, that I have to classify it as something else. I just don't know what to call it yet. It's universally beautiful and so compelling; I don't care who you are this will effect you. Data romance can evoke emotion from a stone. Within the first few seconds I felt the music tugging on my heart strings and by the end of the song I was on the verge of tears. Just amazing, that's all I can say, utterly amazing.

Keep in mind that's just how I feel about the music. Now on to the video...It's like a glimpse into someone's hidden home videos, beautiful, sentimental, romantic, but there is a tinge of sadness and longing too. Just like the song, I'm still wrestling with it to figure out exactly how it makes me feel.

I know I am overly sentimental and a complete hopeless romantic but just give it a listen and tell me you don't feel the same way.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

You Heard it Here First!

...Or maybe you didn't but Nu-Disco, is where it's at! I know what you're thinking "There's nothing new under the sun. Everything is just being tweaked, not invented." Well, you might be right and I might be crazy, but this is just too good not to check it out.

Nu-disco is a 21st century dance music genre associated with a renewed interest in 1970s and early 1980s disco, mid-1980s Italo disco, and the synthesizer-heavy Eurodisco aesthetics. I am so deep into this genre right now, especially the stuff coming out of Europe (mostly France). It touches my soul's naughty bits and it's if wrong, well heck, I don't ever want to be right. Fear of Tigers, Anoraak, Calvin Harris, FM Attack, Valerie and Friends, etc. ...oh man it's so SICK that my belly hurts.

Here are a couple for you to try:

One more...

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Diane von Zombiebrainburger

Here's the background story to my new favorite game: Becky and I were chatting on Facebook about TV Shows we love. I asked her if she'd seen AMC's The Walking Dead yet. She said no, so I tried to convince here it's worth checking out by letting her know I haven't been so hooked on a show since Sex and the City. Which you all know I was infatuated with, if you know me at all. Then came the fun; we decided to start pairing fashion designer's names with zombies. For example, Gibraini Verzombie (Gianni Versace) or my personal favorite Diane von Zombiebrainburger. This is good for hours of brain-gobbling fun!

Monday, November 15, 2010

Piece of Mind...

Today I was offered a full-time position at the advertising agency! My title is still in the works depending on what HR and the CEO decide on but tentatively it looks like I will be the "Operations Coordinator". This means a raise, health insurance and paid vacation and sick time. Hooray!! I'm hoping this translates into me enjoying the city more, not constantly struggling with money and enjoying some piece of mind.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Momento Mori

This phrase, or the idea of this phrase rather "Remember to die" or "Remember you will die" is a notion I have seen resurfacing time and time again lately. Not that it has ever gone away or will every go away. I know it seems morbid blogging about this but to me this idea is more about life than it is about death. It's a reminder of our mortality but in the sense to remind us to live our life while we can as life is the most fleeting possession we can claim as our own.

In ancient Rome, the words are believed to have been used on the occasion when a Roman general was parading through the streets after a victory in war. Standing behind the triumphant general was his slave, who was tasked to remind the general that, though his highness was at his peak today, tomorrow he could fall or more likely be brought down. The servant conveyed this by telling the general that he should remember, "Memento mori." Or more likely that the servant said instead, "Respice post te! Hominem te memento!": "Look behind you! Remember that you are but a man!", as noted by Tertullian in his Apologeticus.

The thought of Momento Mori really took hold during Mideval European times when Christianity reigned supreme. The notion of Divine Judgement, Heaven, Hell and the soul brought not only death but the thoughts of how to live one's life to the forefront of the mind. To the Christian, the prospect of death serves to emphasize the emptiness and fleetingness of earthly pleasures, luxuries, and achievements, and thus also as an invitation to focus one's thoughts on the prospect of the afterlife. Even though I am learning ephemeral pleasures are fleeting and worth no more attention than the fly on the wall, I have a hard time devoting my life to something I may never know if it exists or not, until I experience it for myself. Instead, I focus my thoughts on loving the tangible keystones of my world, friends, family, the joys of knowledge and wonder.

Maybe this is why Felix Gonzalez-Torres is my favorite artist. He understood life is perishable and that everything we hold dear should be treasured before it fades away with time. The paper stacks and candy mounds where the public is encouraged to take them until they are all gone... In fact, much of his art can be seen as a memorial to his long time boyfriend Ross Laycock.

"Above all else, it is about leaving a mark that I existed: I was here. I was hungry. I was defeated. I was happy. I was sad. I was in love. I was afraid. I was hopeful. I had an idea and I had a good purpose and that's why I made works of art. "
— Felix Gonzalez-Torres

Seize the day my friends!

Saturday, November 13, 2010

NYC vs. NJ

No contest. NYC is the winner *Ding! Ding! Ding!* (That's the victory bell, by the way). Last night, I had one of those great NYC nights. Happy hour at the office, a gallery opening at Barry Friendman Ltd. for artists Sergei Isupov and Takahiro Kondo, where I met my friend Andrew, who is a great artist with a book coming out soon and then spent the remainder of the night snuggled up next to a stylist from Saks 5th Ave. at G Lounge. Flash forward to today in NJ and I'm still in my pajamas waiting for Tanya to get home from work so we can go to Wal-Mart. The difference between last night and today is like night and day. But today feels pretty damn good too.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

I'll Be Your Lover Too

I know some would say this is sacrilegious, pairing a Van Morrison song with a Robert Pattinson song and in theory I would completely agree. But my bleeding emo heart doesn't care about theory or other pretenses and both of these songs break my heart in different ways. Never Think is definitely not made for tweens (even though a tween obviously created this video with all the spelling errors but I digress).

I Just Can't Get Enough!

I am so irrevocably in love with It is sheer comic genius.

Now can you understand why Elaine Carroll is my comic soulmate?

Monday, November 1, 2010

Nonsensical Non-Sense

I have enough sense to love the nonsensical logic of Bataille. Some of his thoughts are so incomplete and fragmented, but when he gets it, he gets it.

"Thus one notes that the earth, by turning, makes animals and men have coitus, and (because the result is as much the cause as that which provokes it) that animals and men make the earth turn by having coitus. It is the mechanical combination or transformation of these movements that the alchemists sought as the philosopher's stone. It is through the use of this magically valued combination that one can determine the present position of men in the midst of the elements. An abandoned shoe, a rotten tooth, a snub nose, the cook spitting in the soup of his masters are to love what a battle flag is to nationality. An umbrella, a sexagenarian, a seminarian, the smell of rotten eggs, the hollow eyes of judges are the roots that nourish love. A dog devouring the stomach of a goose, a drunken vomiting woman, a slobbering accountant, a jar of mustard represent the confusion that serves as the vehicle of love. A man who finds himself among others is irritated because he does not know why he is not one of the others. In bed next to a girl he loves, he forgets that he does not know why he is himself instead of the body he touches. Without knowing it, he suffers from the mental darkness that keeps him from screaming that he himself is the girl who forgets his presence while shuddering in his arms. Love or infantile rage, or a provincial dowager's vanity, or clerical pornography, or the diamond of a soprano bewilder individuals forgotten in dusty apartments. They can very well try to find each other; they will never find anything but parodic images, and they will fall asleep as empty as mirrors. The absent and inert girl hanging dreamless from my arms is no more foreign to me than the door or window through which I can look or pass. I rediscover indifference (allowing her to leave me) when I fall asleep, through an inability to love what happens. It is impossible for her to know whom she will discover when I hold her, because she obstinately attains a complete forgetting. The planetary systems that turn in space like rapid disks, and whose centers also move, describing an infinitely larger circle, only move away continuously from their own position in order to return it, completing their rotation.

Movement is a figure of love, incapable of stopping at a particular being, and rapidly passing from one to another. (See what I mean? He gets it!) - Georges Bataille, Solar Anus

I find his travels into the dark recesses of the human psyche disturbing and fascinating all at the same time. It takes equal amounts of courage, curiosity and stupidity to allow yourself to descend into insanity. I think it's brave to not only explore these dark corners of the mind, but to speak what you find there. Most people spend a great deal of time and energy repressing and dismissing negative characteristics of human nature, and Bataille lays every last rotten morsle on the table.

Monday, October 25, 2010

Priorities In Order

It's amazing how it really is the little things in life that can make you feel complete. It's ironic this is a lesson I've learned here in NYC, where all the glitz and glam can be so distracting and cloud your perception. You would think it would be a lesson I would have learned years ago in my quiet hometown. I think the juxtaposition of my new home and my old home is exactly what I needed to make me realize this. I just got off the phone with my family for different reasons (Jakob's Birthday and Russ' surgery; both went very well!) and I feel the most like myself as I have in weeks. This void that I've had is filled and it feels so good. Life is so much easier knowing that you are secure in loving relationships that will never change.

I think I'm gonna stay home
Have myself a home life
Sitting in the slow-mo
And listening to the daylight
I am not a nomad
I am not a rocket man
I was born a house cat
By the sleight of my mother's hand

I think I'm gonna stay home

I want to live in the center of a circle
I want to live on the side of a square
I used to be in my M-too scene
You'll never find me cause my name isn't there

Home life
Been holding out for a home life
My whole life

I want to see the end game
I want to learn her last name
Finish on a Friday
And sit in traffic on the highway
See, I refuse to believe
That my life's gonna be
Just some string of incompletes
Never to lead me to anything remotely close to home life...
(Yes, I left out the rest of the lyrics, because this is the part of the song that speaks to me. The rest of the

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Flat Love

Sometimes you realize that looking for love once you've already found it makes you a little flat. Let this be a lesson to those who "cry love" only to search for greener pastures.

Here is a clip of the film to entice you...

Monday, October 11, 2010

For My Puzzle, I See Shapes In You

Life is meant for living
No more gliding through
Time moves too quickly for uncertainty
I need to take a leap
Have faith in this direction
My mind just can't go to sleep
I want to get caught in the moment
I know I need to let go
Everything about this arouses all my fears
If everything is real
My heart begins to feel again
Making me come to life
A rusty old machine starts to beat again
Well aware of love
For my puzzle, I see shapes in you.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Can You Stand the Rain?

Today was one of those rainy days that would have been great if you could stay at home curled up on the couch with a good movie and some homemade soup or chilli (yum!). But instead I was forced to brave the autumn chill and the rainy streets. These kind of days always get me thinking and I realized: "Not everything always happens for a reason but you can always learn a lesson from everything you go through."

I've been experiencing an existential crisis of sorts lately. I'm questioning every choice I've made in the past year and trying to figure out what exactly it is my heart and my mind are searching for in life. There has got to be some middle ground somewhere, because my heart and my mind want polar opposites.

Friday, October 1, 2010

All (Seemingly) Good Things Come to an End

Nile and I are done. Just like that and out of the blue. But surprisingly I'm doing fine. His reasons were, in my opinion, totally bogus and cliche. It was something along the lines "It's not you, it's me and I need to focus on my career." Okay, sure. But I would have respected the truth and if that was the truth, well couldn't it have had a better climax? I guess not all love stories end in tragedy, some end with a fizzle instead of a bang.

I was a little disappointed at first but after I opened my eyes I saw he wasn't exactly what I thought, wanted, or needed. Anyone who knows me is well aware of just how much my family means to me. During my step-father's struggle with colon cancer, my mom's breast cancer scare and even my grandma's death, he never offered me support. I'm not sure how I ever justified that away. Not only is that unacceptable in a relationship, it's unacceptable in a friendship.

It's been a great learning experience and I can confidently say I am not one of those people who is scared of being single.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

How's This for Heavy?

(This is a heavy load.)

The focus of my Saturday is on the quiet desperation borne of compounding the pain of wasting your time as an adult by romanticizing the wasted time of your youth.

Okay enough with the dramatics. I'll probably be getting groceries and napping.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Our Love, I Couldn't Hold It

This video reminds me of my fantasy life. Oh? You're curious what my fantasy life would be like? Well here you go...

I'd like to live when New Romantics were Dandy Highwaymen and synth-pop ruled the world. I'd wake up in a big city apartment and be off to enjoy art during the day and the city nightlife at night, all the while feeling the "lub dub" of the city's vitality mix with my own. I'd be surrounded by people worth sharing my life with. I would wish for conversations revolving around art, the taboo, and Georges Bataille, and I'd have an even quicker mind to communicate my ideas. I'd ask for endless time with friends and family. And sometimes, I wish I could find a singing voice I never knew I had, to go along with some new found fancy footwork for my twinkle toes. I'd love to fly through the air with the greatest of ease, and discover how amazing it would be to see the Gondola - haunted side streets of Venice just off the Grand Canal, where many an assignation has been made and many secret courtships conducted. Finally, I'd like to throw a party with a taste of the South American Carnival and mix in a slight dash of the delicious German Karnival as well. Maybe I'd invite an angel along to bring blessings on everyone there, and to thank them for their gracious presence, I would teach the angel how to booty shake.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Under The Shade of the Old Apple Tree

"In the shade of the old apple tree,
Where the love in your eyes I could see,
Where the voice that I heard,
Like the song of a bird,
Seemed to whisper sweet music to me,
I could hear the dull buzz of the bee
In the blossoms as you said to me,
"With a heart that is true,
"I'll be waiting for you,
In the shade of the old apple tree."
Harry Williams and Egbert Van Alstyne (c. 1905)

Saturday, September 18, 2010

The Magic of a Light Heart

I'm in search of magic. The magic I once knew as a child. I want to revel in newfound knowledge, find amazement in nature and believe in things most people would scoff at. What is life without wonderment and the joy of an open mind? I'm sick of believing that life is about duty and following certain paths. What about the pursuit of happiness, following my heart and taking leaps of faith?

I want to believe in the tooth fairy, splash in the rain puddles, connect the dots on cereal boxes, eat sugary cereals, have toys in the bathtub, dig in the back yard in hopes of reaching China, get the giggles at dinner time, play dress-up, sing and dance with abandon, never, ever have to be in a hurry and wake up excited about the day.

It truly doesn't take much to keep magic alive. You need an open mind and a light heart. You need to take a bath by yourself and put a few Hot Wheels and GI Joes on the tub's ledge to see what happens. You need to plant some seeds before the next deluge. Re-read "The Butter Battle Book". Identify with the little boy filled with hope and optimism and not my minds negative and know-it-all Big Brother.

I'm going to keep finding masterpieces in the clouds, wishing on dandelions, searching for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and dreaming about what's beyond the stars.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010


Well, I've got the time, if you've got the money, honey. Who am I kidding? I'll tell my story to anyone who will listen, and for free! I am so bored, I'm burning the midnight (more like 9PM) oil so to speak. I'm still at work checking people in for a focus group meeting. Five people over a two hour time period... *yawn* At least the crowd has been semi-interesting. But enough about work!

I had a wonderful weekend. I explored the deepest recesses of supreme laziness and it was great. Somewhere in that adventure, I found myself again. Nothing does the trick better than a long weekend of doing nothing to get acquainted with yourself again. I forgot how nice it is to have downtime to re-energize, decompress and RELAX. Luckily, I didn't have to do this alone, I had the perfect company of my dear boyfriend, Nile. I love that he was 100% okay with laying around the apartment all weekend long. Next time we'll have to adventure out into the wild unknown, I don't want him thinking I am a one trick pony.

I guess that's it, that's all I had to say. What am I going to do to pass the time now? *looks at the time and sighs* Ho-Hum.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Batter Up!

Here's my pearl of wisdom for the day:

There are only three things in this world that we have complete control over and these are our thoughts, our emotions and our reactions. That's it. So unless you want to be completely powerless in this world, you better figure out how to master these. Really when you think about it we have no business trying to control anything or anyone else, it's pointless. The world is going to throw what ever it wants at you and you can spend your life dodging these curve balls or you can put on your baseball glove and learn how to catch.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Somewhere Over the Rainbow

This post is strictly so I'll remember that I really want to download the new Anoraak album! They are the freshest export from France since...well, something French and delicious. Bon appetite!

Also a quick trip down memory lane:

I told my friends I would win hands down if there were such a thing as the "Ugliest Fake Cry" contest. Oh the things I do to amuse myself while I wait for a face mask to dry...

See, I told you this post was pointless.

Monday, August 23, 2010

Praline Nut Mix & The Soundtrack to my Life

So here it is, 12:18AM on an early Monday morning, I should be sleeping but I'm indulging myself in a bag of Duane Reade's Praline Nut Mix and some music. These nuts are coated in a tasty concoction that makes the nuts so hard, I profess I may break a tooth. But I digress.

I came to a realization that my iPod is the perfect companion, it totally gets me. While riding the bus today, I was overcome by the epiphany that the music on my iPod played in the specific sequence as it was played this morning, coincided with my mood and the circumstances of my life in that moment. This delicious mix of music created the perfect soundtrack to my life as it was unfolding at that moment in time.

Ah well. Now it is 1:03AM and I have just woken up after falling asleep in front of my computer. I guess that's my hint to exit stage right and get ready for bed. Cue the music and roll the credits!

Saturday, August 21, 2010

The Emperor Wears No Clothes

I had the most beautiful day yesterday and I am filled to the brim with gratitude for all of the good energy and positive things that came my way. The day started with me lazily dozing on and off until about 10AM. About an hour later I checked my e-mail to find that I did indeed get the job with The Vox Collective! I'll be the new executive assistant to the four senior partners of the advertising agency. I am so excited to be taking a step in the right direction career wise, well, and having weekends off is a bonus as well!

After this great news, I tidied up my room a bit, made myself some lunch and printed out the RSVP list for the digital art show at Google's offices here in the city. It was a great experience being invited to help out with this event and get a glimpse at some great art and the inside of the great space that is Google. The art that I found to be the most significant is titled Mission Eternity. It is a collection of bits of information of a dying person that is stored in a vast database used to create "Arcanum Capsules" in a sense it is a very personalized and intimate time capsule of a person's existence. These fragments of life, the knowledge, the sounds, circle the globe through networked computers allowing the dying or dead person a limited immortality. Really deep on every level. I'm still trying to digest the entire concept. Copy & paste this link to watch the video if this is your "schtickt" it really is pretty amazing:

Once I was done working the event, I met up with my favorite man in the whole wide world, Nile. We enjoyed a great dinner at Room Service on 14th St. (I'm looking forward to leftovers tonight!). Dinner was followed by a trip back to my place where he showed me his scrapbook of his stay in India. I feel like me calling it a "scrapbook" demeans the value of what he created, it's more like a really cool physical manifestation of his memories of the journey. This was followed by us sharing my bed and him telling me he loves me. I was wholeheartedly able to say this back to him, because I do love him. My walls and boundaries are non-existent with him. I feel him in ways I don't even understand. I can't describe how he makes me feel because this new feeling is so foreign to me, but I can say don't ever settle, everyone deserves to find love like this.

This also, is just too good.

You're welcome.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Earthly Delights

I forgot how great it feels to get lost in life's simple pleasures. Something as simple as a long hot shower (while listening to Sparklehorse's "It's a Wonderful Life") can make you feel so good. I feel refreshed, relaxed and at peace with the world. I've been so busy lately, that I am relishing in the fact that I have nothing to do tonight.

So my todo list tonight consists of this: blog, lounge, love poems, eat cake, lounge, sleep. *sigh of contentment*

Here is a poem, by the great Spanish Poet, Pablo Neruda. Thanks Lindsay for turning me on to his work.

"If You Forget Me" - Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Maldoror and the Light at the End of the Tunnel

"God grant that the reader, emboldened and having become at present as fierce as what he is reading, find, without loss of bearings, his way, his wild and treacherous passage through the desolate swamps of these sombre, poison-soaked pages; for, unless he should bring to his reading a rigorous logic and a sustained mental effort at least as strong as his distrust, the lethal fumes of this book shall dissolve his soul as water does sugar." - The first sentence, a warning of sorts, of Les Chants de Maldoror. You know you're in for a doozy when the author needs to offer up such a solemn disclaimer!

I'm not really sure why I've been compelled for so long to want to read this work. I'm looking forward to delving into a work that I'll have to wrap my mind around, something chewy to stimulate my sleepy brain. Maldoror, the protagonist, is a misanthropic figure of absolute evil who is opposed to God and has renounced all morality and decency. I get the sense it could be compared to the works of Georges Bataille. I've always found the literature exploring the dark recesses of humanity that influenced the Surrealist movement to be intriguing. Creepy but intriguing. This is a spooky journey I will embark on as soon as I can get my hands on this book. Apparently a daunting task since The Strand, even with its 18 miles of books, doesn't have it.

But on a contrary and much lighter note, I think all my (good) luck has returned and things are really starting to pick up for me! I've made my first official NYC friend, I've been invited to attend an exhibit opening at Google-East, and I'll be volunteering at Fashion Week this September. It feels so good to feel like I'm headed in the right direction. Once again, I can't say enough how grateful I am to have the life I do, filled with friends, family, love, hope and endless opportunity. I guess with an outlook like mine I'd say I'm the "Anti-Maldoror".

Friday, August 13, 2010


Not really sure why I felt the need to post right now because I have nothing really to say. I'm in such a sleepy state that I actually feel sort of brain dead, is that normal? I've actually had sensations of a physical block in my brain before, maybe the phrase blockhead was paying homage to me.

I desperately want something interesting and substantial to come to mind but my mind is telling me to stop searching, it's closed shop for the day, the "Open" sign has been flipped to "Closed". So here's a quick synopsis of my week: Beyonce refuses to wear bowling shoes, Robin Thicke is careless with his Platinum AMEX card, Eat Pray Love (has changed my life) I desperately hope the movie is as good as the book, I need to get a passport and now that I've had a glimpse of cooler weather I am so ready for fall. These are the late night thoughts of a weary 'ol soul...

I don't mean to be redundant by posting music videos in each post of mine but music is a part of my daily life, so I guess it's fitting for this blog. Without further ado, here's another musical gem. It's a little sad and sleepy but I'm love.

Bonne nuit et au revoir!

Monday, August 9, 2010

Defragmenting This Mind 'O Mine

I'm really starting to research the idea of meditation. By saying this, I don't mean the cheesy "new-age" hipster sort of meditation that all the kids are doing nowadays. I am consciously attempting to find some peace of mind and I have come to the realization that I need to stop searching for this outside of myself. Money, friends, family, can give a great sense of security but I am looking for something deeper. I am looking for a sense of stability that I think ultimately only I can provide for myself. I am so turned on by the notion that if I clear out enough space in my mind, I am freeing up my mind's capacity to think more efficiently, accurately and most importantly honestly. If I stumble across a new found sense of spirituality along the way, that's great too. I've always considered myself to be spiritual rather than religious. I like the idea of finding truths that speak to me, learning life's lessons through my own enlightenment, rather than engaging in a religion that seems systematic and processed.

I'm excited to try this out and maybe once I make some room in this noggin of mine the universe will flood my mind with infinite wisdom! Or maybe I'll just be more relaxed and stress free.

Until I become a spiritual guru, it is my life's mission to dance to this:

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Catchin' Up On Lost Time

So where do I begin... hmm? Well most importantly Lindsay and Matt were married yesterday. One of the most beautiful weddings I have been to yet. Lindsay was stunning and oozed old Hollywood with all it's beauty and class. It feels good to be home (I'm writing from Joanna's apartment at the moment) and around the ones I love. I can't ever express enough just how grateful I am to have a life filled with such good people.

Now for the most important news in my own life: Nile and I made it official and he is my boyfriend!! He's so special to me and everyday I think about how lucky I am to have him in my life. He is the most beautiful, inspiring, talented, intelligent and kind man I have ever met. Coming home to Cortland has always been bittersweet for the fact that I always felt like I didn't have a reason to return to the city. But with Nile in my life, it is nice to know that I have someone waiting for me to come back to.

New Band Alert: City & Colours (really digging this band in all its acoustic glory.)

Friday, July 2, 2010

Pride, Sangria and Communism

I have so much to write but I have a feeling most of it won't get written down. I'm not really thinking in a linear fashion tonight and I'm just plain lazy. :P I officially started as ambassador today with the Chelsea Art Museum and I forgot how great it feels to surround myself with art. I just feel energized, stimulated and alive! I was working the ground floor with a fantastic exhibit titled A Part of No Part: Parallelisms Between Then and Now it displays contemporary totalitarian and post-totalitarian video installations from the Czech Republic, Poland and Croatia. In these countries any form of self expression is banned by the ruling Communist regime. Paintings are an obvious target and easy to regulate but video art is less tangible and in my opinion really captures the political upheaval and zeitgeist of the times. I always am amazed by the way people find a voice when their voice has been taken away or when no one wants them to be heard. It really is a beautiful thing.

A piece by Norman Leto whose piece Buttes Monteaux 3 is my favorite of this exhibit. Here is his Buttes Monteaux 1: (#3 is much better, but this is all I could find on youtube)

NYC Pride was this past weekend and was a lot of fun. I caught the tail end of the parade as I was lazy about getting out of the house in anticipation to the ridiculously hot weather we were having on Sunday. I'm so glad I went, the parade is HUGE and surprisingly creative. Sure there are lots of shirtless guys (and girls!) but all in all it was equal parts progressive and porn. After the parade I went to G Lounge on W. 19th St. such a fun crowd and my drink of choice, Alabama Slammers, got me a lot of attention. Who knew a small town country boy could introduce the NYC masses to something so fruity and delicious! After two strong drinks (on a hot day and empty stomach) I stumbled to The Village Den, this charming little restaurant with delicious food and Sangria. Then spent the remainder of my night with Tanya and Annie at Honey. It was lesbian heaven, except for the creepy straight DJ, who I think was living out his fantasy over the microphone. It got even better when my special man friend met me around 9PM. We danced, laughed and stole a reserved table in the VIP (seriously? that was VIP?) section of the bar. Where we presumed to cuddle and talk until about 12:30AM when I was all out of pride and he had to catch the L train and I had to make my way home. Did I mention he kissed me? I know, I know! We shared out first (3) kisses on Pride! How tragically cute and gay is that?! Then he came to my place the following day and we vegged out with bad TV and Papa Johns or as I call it in West New York, Papa Juans.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Low Key Kinda Day

So much for everything I had planned, it feels far too nice being lazy today. I might make a quick trip to the market to pick up some treats for Becky's arrival later this week. In her words "Are you ready for an abundantly Caucasian invasion?" and I can whole heartedly say yes I am!

It will be nice to have a familiar face and one of my closest friends visit. Even though I love NYC, I do get homesick every now and again. I cannot wait to show her some of my favorite places in the city. Chelsea Market, the bizarre antique shop in the LES (that I still don't know the name of), anything in SOHO, The 6th Ward, etc. It will be great just exploring with no set schedule or itinerary. We'll be frugal flaneurs!

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Let's Get it Started!

Well, here we go. Strap on those comfy shoes, grab a light jacket, we're gonna be gone awhile. Tooling around my brain is no easy task, trust me I should know. This being my first post I'd like to send us off on this maiden voyage the right way. *Christens this blog by smashing a bottle of champagne on my laptop (ZAP!)*

I wasn't born yesterday and I'm sure I have something of value hidden away in here somewhere. Some sort of pearl of wisdom to share with the masses, shine some light in the gloom of cyberspace... And I've got bupkis.

So here is my disclaimer/promise to you: I'll never be something I'm not. I'll always be honest about what's on my mind and honestly it's mostly Small Talk.