Toto We're Not In NYC Anymore...

Let's just say I forgot how brutal Central NY winters are, 8-14 inches of snow ON TOP on the 5 or so inches we already have. Well one perk CNY has over NYC is that I can go sledding!

A Literary Evil

I am drawn to the dark side of literature, I don't know why, so don't ask me. I am adding Aleister Crowley's Moonchild c. 1917 to my list of books to read. It will sit nicely next to my collection Of Georges Bataille books and Les Chants de Maldoror. Call me a creep, I probably am.



The Moonchild plot summary according to wikipedia (because not only am I a creep, I'm lazy too.): A year or so before the beginning of World War I, a young woman named Lisa la Giuffria is seduced by a white magician, Cyril Grey, and persuaded into helping him in a magical battle with a black magician and his black lodge. Grey is attempting to raise the level of his force by impregnating the girl with the soul of an ethereal being — the moonchild. To achieve this, she will have to be kept in a secluded environment, and many preparatory magical rituals will be carried out. The black magician Douglas is bent on destroying Grey’s plan. However, Grey's ultimate motives may not be what they appear. The moonchild rituals are carried out in southern Italy, but the occult organizations are based in Paris and England. At the end of the book, the war breaks out, and the white magicians support the Allies, while the black magicians support the Central Powers.

Aleister Crowley (12 October 1875 – 1 December 1947), born Edward Alexander Crowley, and also known as both Frater Perdurabo and The Great Beast, was an influential English occultist, mystic and ceremonial magician, responsible for founding the religious philosophy of Thelema. He was also successful in various other fields, including mountaineering, chess and poetry, and it has also been alleged that he was a spy for the British government. In his role as the founder of the Thelemite faith, he came to see himself as the prophet who was entrusted with informing humanity that it was entering the new Aeon of Horus in the early twentieth century.

Thelemais the mystical cosmology Crowley announced in 1904 and expanded upon for the remainder of his life. The diversity of his writings illustrate his difficulty in classifying Thelema from any one vantage. It can be considered a form of magical philosophy, religious traditionalism, humanistic positivism, and/or an elitist meritocracy.
The chief precept of Thelema, derived from the works of François Rabelais, is the sovereignty of Will: "Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law." Crowley's idea of will, however, is not simply the individual's desires or wishes, but also incorporates a sense of the person's destiny or greater purpose: what he termed "True Will".
The second precept of Thelema is "Love is the law, love under will"—and Crowley's meaning of "Love" is as complex as that of "Will." It is frequently sexual: Crowley's system, like elements of the Golden Dawn before him, sees the dichotomy and tension between the male and female as fundamental to existence, and sexual "magick" and metaphor form a significant part of Thelemic ritual. However, Love is also discussed as the Union of Opposites, which Crowley thought was the key to enlightenment.

He was referred to as "The Great Beast" because of his radical religious doctrines and free thinking about sexuality (including same sex activities). He was a great beast but I would say more so because of his sexist and racist thinking but in Victorian context being sexist and racist are morally correct. I think as far as his writings go he was just having great fun in tormenting those who were not as educated as him. The quote below by author and Crowley expert Lon Milo Duquette wrote in his 1993 work The Magick of Aleister Crowley supports my claim.

"Crowley clothed many of his teachings in the thin veil of sensational titillation. By doing so he assured himself that one, his works would only be appreciated by the few individuals capable of doing so, and two, his works would continue to generate interest and be published by and for the benefit of both his admirers and his enemies long after death. He did not—I repeat not—perform or advocate human sacrifice. He was often guilty, however, of the crime of poor judgment. Like all of us, Crowley had many flaws and shortcomings. The greatest of those, in my opinion, was his inability to understand that everyone else in the world was not as educated and clever as he. It is clear, even in his earliest works, he often took fiendish delight in terrifying those who were either too lazy, too bigoted, or too slow-witted to understand him."

Does this guy look scary enough to be "The Great Beast" to you? But maybe that was his ploy; disguising himself as an unassuming quack.

Gulp!

Jobs are worse than I expected here in Cortland. I've been searching for the past two weeks and everything is retail or temp work through an agency. It looks like the career I've been hoping for may just be, KFC. I am royally fucked.

What is wrong with the world today? I lived in NYC and applied to over 600 jobs in a year and now I live in Cortland where there are no jobs to apply to. Seriously, what's a boy to do? Not to toot my own horn, but I have a great resume, solid work experience, work ethic and an education; yet I can't even get a job as a pencil pusher somewhere? I think a lot of people will agree with me when I say this recession needs to end already.


(Here's a snapshot of my amazing resume. :) Let me know if you are interested in seeing it for real!)

Five Days In

I've officially been back in Cortland for five days now. The transition has been easier than expected. Obviously, when I left my apartment and the city behind last Saturday I cried like a baby. Even though it's a bittersweet situation, it's hard to be depressed when you are surrounded by family and friends, those are the two things I was missing in NYC, and obviously those are the two most important things in my life.

My only worry now is finding a job; actually a career. I'm sick of working a string of odd jobs knowing that it's temporary and hopping from one to another. I'm getting older and it's time to start building a life for myself. I would love for my career to be in my field, but ultimately I just want something that makes me happy. All I want out of life is to be happy. I'm no dummy and I realize happiness is something you create for yourself and I am doing my best to do just that.

(These images of Cortland are much different from the city scape I got used to over the past year!)

Half King for a Golden Boy

Last night was my last "official" night out in NYC. I spent the evening in the company of Tanya, Adolfo, Brenda, Annie, Chad and Kim at Half King. I've been wanting to check this place out for a while. It's this intimate cool artsy kinda vibe place. Even it's history is interesting. It's owned by writers Scott Anderson, Nanette Burstein and Sebastian Junger, it's a classic style pub, serving European flavors with a thirty-foot bar, a semi-private lounge and an intimate back garden. All wood used in construction was salvaged from a 200 year-old barn in Pennsylvania. Even the name Half King is from Fred Anderson's Crucible of War. To put it simply, it's a cool, comfy place. Oh and fun pop culture fact: This is the restaurant that Drew Barrymore is seated at outdoors in the movie Going The Distance.

We shared some yummy appetizers, some good drinks (the butter scotch-a-licious Golden Boy for me) and lots of laughs. I even snapped a quick picture with Fatima from America's Next Top Model. Apparently she stole someone's table right behind ours and as she got booted from the table I grabbed her to take advantage of this perfect photo op!


After Half King Tanya, Adolfo, Annie and I headed to G Lounge, our go to bar, for a couple more drinks and a little heart to heart conversation.

2 For 1

Two posts for the price of one today, folks!

Bad Breakup

Leaving New York City is like going through the worst breakup of my entire life. Imagine finding your soulmate, someone that you have put all your hopes and dreams into, someone that made the world seem like endless opportunity. You have been through your fair share of struggles with this person but you are a stronger and better person because of it. But you are starting to wonder what all this struggle is worth. Is it going to pay off in the end? Is this person going to stop being difficult and turn into the man you want him to be? After much internal conflict and many sleepless nights you realize even though you still love him and you could have a future with him, it just isn't right to stay together. This is the best analogy I can come up with to describe what I'm feeling.

Reevaluating

All this change in my life right now is really making me reevaluate everything. I've come to the conclusion that all I want out of life is love. I want to be surrounded by the love of my family and friends, I want a career that I love and I want to find someone to love who will love me in return. That's all I want, money, material things, as extravagant as they are, really have no meaning at the end of the day. Love is the only currency that I accept and it's all that I have to offer.

Have a Little Faith

I'm feeling so many different emotions right now. I started packing today because I am moving back to Cortland this weekend and it has been a lot harder than I thought. I said my goodbyes to my good friends at the agency on Thursday with a small party at the office and then a big night out at Splash. Friday at the office was a quiet day of tears and goodbyes. I really will miss the friends I have made there, especially Brenda. In the four short months of my internship, she has found a special place in my heart and I hold her to the same esteem as some of my friends I have known my whole life.

I am excited to return home to my family and friends but NYC, as difficult as it's been, has been my home for the past year and it really is such an amazing city. For the first time in my life I don't know what is right for me and I have no plan. Since I am feeling so confused and lost I need to have a little faith. A little faith in my future, a little faith in the fact that my life has been very fortunate and at the very least have a little faith in me.



When the road gets dark
And you can no longer see
Just let my love throw a spark
And have a little faith in me
And when the tears you cry
Are all you can believe
Just give these loving arms a try
And have a little faith in me

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me

And when your secret heart
Cannot speak so easily
Come here darling, from a whisper start
And have a little faith in me
And when your backs against the wall
Just turn around and you, you will see
I will catch you, I will catch your fall
Just have a little faith in me

Have a little faith in me
Have a little faith in me...

I find a lot of comfort in this song right now. I can rely on my friends, my family and myself. And I need to believe that whatever is right for me and my future will work itself out in the end.

Romance Cannot Be Dead

I refuse to believe I am the only person left in this world that wants the lost romance of the old days. I love the idea of courtship: flowers, poems, candlelit dinners, holding hands in the park and late night serenades. I really want that idealistic love, that nonexistent romance that only exists in movies. It's such a beautiful and foreign concept to me and I can't imagine settling for less. With today's technology, people assume texting, emails and IMs are romantic and proper ways of developing a relationship. It's so difficult to even get a phone call anymore, let alone a love letter. I want a world that doesn't revolve around instant gratification. Love is something that should develop slowly, like a flower that you so anxiously await the bud to bloom. Somethings really are worth the wait.

I love this excerpt because it implies that marriage is not a measure of true love and emotion, Romeo simply desires real romantic unison with Juliet.

"Then plainly know my heart's dear love is set On the fair daughter of rich Capulet: As mine on hers, so hers is set on mine; And all combined, save what thou must combine By holy marriage: when and where and how We met, we woo'd and made exchange of vow, I'll tell thee as we pass; but this I pray, That thou consent to marry us to-day." --Romeo and Juliet, Act II, Scene II

One of my favorite romantic scenes from one of the most romantic movies of all time: Breakfast at Tiffany's, c. 1961



And Lastly, one of my most favorite romantic classical songs by Claude Debussy Claire De Lune, c. 1890


Oh boy, and to think I still have two weeks until Valentine's Day.