Uncomfortably Numb

I realize I've become a bit of a "Sad Sally" lately in my posts but I'm having a difficult time...even finishing this sentence. I really don't know how to describe how I'm feeling right now, I guess the best way to put it is just "numb". I am doing my best. I am looking for the silver lining and I am on the look out for the little things in life that make you smile. I've tried meditation, I've tried exercising, heck I've even tried praying! What's a boy to do, to find some peace of mind?

It's mostly my fault I came back to Cortland thinking I would be spending all my free time with friends and family and I would find a good job easily. Instead I spend a lot of time alone and I am working at a total dead end job. So much for high expectations. I had them in New York and now I've had them in Cortland and each time they've come crashing down right on top of my pretty little optimistic head. It's such a double edged sword. You are supposed to look on the bright side of things but when things don't work out you've set your expectations too high. So, can anyone answer this? What's the perfect coupling of hopeful optimism and realistic expectations?

I think these feelings reared their ugly head today because I had a few run ins while at work (hair net and all!) with some old acquaintances. After having to tell the same story about five times: "Yes, I'm working at Wal-Mart for $8.20/hr and yes, I'm living at my Dad's house again. No, not in the basement this time but in the guest bedroom." It really hit me, I am very self-conscious about where I'm at in my life right now and it makes me sad. It got to the point today where I was deliberately hiding because I literally could not have another chance encounter where I would have to tell people my story without tears welling up.

I feel like a stranger in my own life and I can tell you, it's shitty. I am so ready for a break instead of a breakdown. Please?