How's This for Heavy?

(This is a heavy load.)

The focus of my Saturday is on the quiet desperation borne of compounding the pain of wasting your time as an adult by romanticizing the wasted time of your youth.



Okay enough with the dramatics. I'll probably be getting groceries and napping.

Our Love, I Couldn't Hold It

This video reminds me of my fantasy life. Oh? You're curious what my fantasy life would be like? Well here you go...

I'd like to live when New Romantics were Dandy Highwaymen and synth-pop ruled the world. I'd wake up in a big city apartment and be off to enjoy art during the day and the city nightlife at night, all the while feeling the "lub dub" of the city's vitality mix with my own. I'd be surrounded by people worth sharing my life with. I would wish for conversations revolving around art, the taboo, and Georges Bataille, and I'd have an even quicker mind to communicate my ideas. I'd ask for endless time with friends and family. And sometimes, I wish I could find a singing voice I never knew I had, to go along with some new found fancy footwork for my twinkle toes. I'd love to fly through the air with the greatest of ease, and discover how amazing it would be to see the Gondola - haunted side streets of Venice just off the Grand Canal, where many an assignation has been made and many secret courtships conducted. Finally, I'd like to throw a party with a taste of the South American Carnival and mix in a slight dash of the delicious German Karnival as well. Maybe I'd invite an angel along to bring blessings on everyone there, and to thank them for their gracious presence, I would teach the angel how to booty shake.

Under The Shade of the Old Apple Tree

"In the shade of the old apple tree,
Where the love in your eyes I could see,
Where the voice that I heard,
Like the song of a bird,
Seemed to whisper sweet music to me,
I could hear the dull buzz of the bee
In the blossoms as you said to me,
"With a heart that is true,
"I'll be waiting for you,
In the shade of the old apple tree."
Harry Williams and Egbert Van Alstyne (c. 1905)

The Magic of a Light Heart

I'm in search of magic. The magic I once knew as a child. I want to revel in newfound knowledge, find amazement in nature and believe in things most people would scoff at. What is life without wonderment and the joy of an open mind? I'm sick of believing that life is about duty and following certain paths. What about the pursuit of happiness, following my heart and taking leaps of faith?

I want to believe in the tooth fairy, splash in the rain puddles, connect the dots on cereal boxes, eat sugary cereals, have toys in the bathtub, dig in the back yard in hopes of reaching China, get the giggles at dinner time, play dress-up, sing and dance with abandon, never, ever have to be in a hurry and wake up excited about the day.

It truly doesn't take much to keep magic alive. You need an open mind and a light heart. You need to take a bath by yourself and put a few Hot Wheels and GI Joes on the tub's ledge to see what happens. You need to plant some seeds before the next deluge. Re-read "The Butter Battle Book". Identify with the little boy filled with hope and optimism and not my minds negative and know-it-all Big Brother.

I'm going to keep finding masterpieces in the clouds, wishing on dandelions, searching for that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and dreaming about what's beyond the stars.

ZONK!

Well, I've got the time, if you've got the money, honey. Who am I kidding? I'll tell my story to anyone who will listen, and for free! I am so bored, I'm burning the midnight (more like 9PM) oil so to speak. I'm still at work checking people in for a focus group meeting. Five people over a two hour time period... *yawn* At least the crowd has been semi-interesting. But enough about work!

I had a wonderful weekend. I explored the deepest recesses of supreme laziness and it was great. Somewhere in that adventure, I found myself again. Nothing does the trick better than a long weekend of doing nothing to get acquainted with yourself again. I forgot how nice it is to have downtime to re-energize, decompress and RELAX. Luckily, I didn't have to do this alone, I had the perfect company of my dear boyfriend, Nile. I love that he was 100% okay with laying around the apartment all weekend long. Next time we'll have to adventure out into the wild unknown, I don't want him thinking I am a one trick pony.

I guess that's it, that's all I had to say. What am I going to do to pass the time now? *looks at the time and sighs* Ho-Hum.