I Just Can't Get Enough!

I am so irrevocably in love with www.verymarykate.com. It is sheer comic genius.



Now can you understand why Elaine Carroll is my comic soulmate?

Nonsensical Non-Sense

I have enough sense to love the nonsensical logic of Bataille. Some of his thoughts are so incomplete and fragmented, but when he gets it, he gets it.

"Thus one notes that the earth, by turning, makes animals and men have coitus, and (because the result is as much the cause as that which provokes it) that animals and men make the earth turn by having coitus. It is the mechanical combination or transformation of these movements that the alchemists sought as the philosopher's stone. It is through the use of this magically valued combination that one can determine the present position of men in the midst of the elements. An abandoned shoe, a rotten tooth, a snub nose, the cook spitting in the soup of his masters are to love what a battle flag is to nationality. An umbrella, a sexagenarian, a seminarian, the smell of rotten eggs, the hollow eyes of judges are the roots that nourish love. A dog devouring the stomach of a goose, a drunken vomiting woman, a slobbering accountant, a jar of mustard represent the confusion that serves as the vehicle of love. A man who finds himself among others is irritated because he does not know why he is not one of the others. In bed next to a girl he loves, he forgets that he does not know why he is himself instead of the body he touches. Without knowing it, he suffers from the mental darkness that keeps him from screaming that he himself is the girl who forgets his presence while shuddering in his arms. Love or infantile rage, or a provincial dowager's vanity, or clerical pornography, or the diamond of a soprano bewilder individuals forgotten in dusty apartments. They can very well try to find each other; they will never find anything but parodic images, and they will fall asleep as empty as mirrors. The absent and inert girl hanging dreamless from my arms is no more foreign to me than the door or window through which I can look or pass. I rediscover indifference (allowing her to leave me) when I fall asleep, through an inability to love what happens. It is impossible for her to know whom she will discover when I hold her, because she obstinately attains a complete forgetting. The planetary systems that turn in space like rapid disks, and whose centers also move, describing an infinitely larger circle, only move away continuously from their own position in order to return it, completing their rotation.

Movement is a figure of love, incapable of stopping at a particular being, and rapidly passing from one to another. (See what I mean? He gets it!) - Georges Bataille, Solar Anus

I find his travels into the dark recesses of the human psyche disturbing and fascinating all at the same time. It takes equal amounts of courage, curiosity and stupidity to allow yourself to descend into insanity. I think it's brave to not only explore these dark corners of the mind, but to speak what you find there. Most people spend a great deal of time and energy repressing and dismissing negative characteristics of human nature, and Bataille lays every last rotten morsle on the table.

Priorities In Order

It's amazing how it really is the little things in life that can make you feel complete. It's ironic this is a lesson I've learned here in NYC, where all the glitz and glam can be so distracting and cloud your perception. You would think it would be a lesson I would have learned years ago in my quiet hometown. I think the juxtaposition of my new home and my old home is exactly what I needed to make me realize this. I just got off the phone with my family for different reasons (Jakob's Birthday and Russ' surgery; both went very well!) and I feel the most like myself as I have in weeks. This void that I've had is filled and it feels so good. Life is so much easier knowing that you are secure in loving relationships that will never change.




I think I'm gonna stay home
Have myself a home life
Sitting in the slow-mo
And listening to the daylight
I am not a nomad
I am not a rocket man
I was born a house cat
By the sleight of my mother's hand

I think I'm gonna stay home

I want to live in the center of a circle
I want to live on the side of a square
I used to be in my M-too scene
You'll never find me cause my name isn't there

Home life
Been holding out for a home life
My whole life

I want to see the end game
I want to learn her last name
Finish on a Friday
And sit in traffic on the highway
See, I refuse to believe
That my life's gonna be
Just some string of incompletes
Never to lead me to anything remotely close to home life...
(Yes, I left out the rest of the lyrics, because this is the part of the song that speaks to me. The rest of the song...eh.)

Flat Love

Sometimes you realize that looking for love once you've already found it makes you a little flat. Let this be a lesson to those who "cry love" only to search for greener pastures.

http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid600462840001?bctid=596569310001

Here is a clip of the film to entice you...

For My Puzzle, I See Shapes In You

Life is meant for living
No more gliding through
Time moves too quickly for uncertainty
I need to take a leap
Have faith in this direction
My mind just can't go to sleep
I want to get caught in the moment
I know I need to let go
Everything about this arouses all my fears
If everything is real
My heart begins to feel again
Making me come to life
A rusty old machine starts to beat again
Well aware of love
For my puzzle, I see shapes in you.
-Anonymous

Can You Stand the Rain?

Today was one of those rainy days that would have been great if you could stay at home curled up on the couch with a good movie and some homemade soup or chilli (yum!). But instead I was forced to brave the autumn chill and the rainy streets. These kind of days always get me thinking and I realized: "Not everything always happens for a reason but you can always learn a lesson from everything you go through."

I've been experiencing an existential crisis of sorts lately. I'm questioning every choice I've made in the past year and trying to figure out what exactly it is my heart and my mind are searching for in life. There has got to be some middle ground somewhere, because my heart and my mind want polar opposites.

All (Seemingly) Good Things Come to an End

Nile and I are done. Just like that and out of the blue. But surprisingly I'm doing fine. His reasons were, in my opinion, totally bogus and cliche. It was something along the lines "It's not you, it's me and I need to focus on my career." Okay, sure. But I would have respected the truth and if that was the truth, well couldn't it have had a better climax? I guess not all love stories end in tragedy, some end with a fizzle instead of a bang.

I was a little disappointed at first but after I opened my eyes I saw he wasn't exactly what I thought, wanted, or needed. Anyone who knows me is well aware of just how much my family means to me. During my step-father's struggle with colon cancer, my mom's breast cancer scare and even my grandma's death, he never offered me support. I'm not sure how I ever justified that away. Not only is that unacceptable in a relationship, it's unacceptable in a friendship.

It's been a great learning experience and I can confidently say I am not one of those people who is scared of being single.